This is not a relapse of the flesh…

My brain turns you into monsters

Taking little pieces of my flesh

And turning me into a change you should be making yourself

My body a doormat you wipe your feet on

Leaving dirt

And wet leaves


I can’t tell if its’ you or me because

in my mind they are the same

as I I recoil into the moss

wrap its damp around my torso

and let myself sink…

the weight of guilt

a diamond in my chest

a treasure to be held onto

the only thing left


I am trying to save you

As I use the last reserves of strength to hold you up

Whilst beneath my legs snap

And my breath comes no more


I step into the beige

And become one with it


I wear the mask of a maniac

My laughter hot on your ears

As I soak you in

And try to make sense of you

So, I can spit you out again

And make people vomit.


Do you mind if I light a cigarette?

Because I have seen the slow death and already it has me


This is not a relapse of the flesh.

I have not drank from the cup of sin

Because the sin is inside of me

And I no longer need a cup to reveal my true self.

Author: noboozehughes

I am a Lincoln girl with a love for all things creative. I play guitar, I write songs, I draw pictures and I also abstain from alcohol. All of the things I have accomplished are thanks to taking my own self care and mental health into my own hands.

3 thoughts on “This is not a relapse of the flesh…”

      1. I’m not a practicing alcoholic, I just don’t really stopped enjoying it and it was extremely rare for me to touch the stuff. My big thing is codependency. I’m a recovering codependent with ten years under my feet, and I still struggle at times. I write poetry and lyrics, and either seek motivation without or within. That’s my outlet.

        Be proud of who you are, the road you’ve traveled, the progress you’ve made, the internal growth, and how it has affected the lives around you. You know those sparklers that one lights that shine brightly and shoot sparks everywhere? That’s you. Sparkle on!

        Liked by 1 person

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